Some Great Quotes
To make man was a quaint and original idea, but to add the sheep was tautology.
Tautology; (The unnecessary repetition of the same idea in different words or form)
Against stupidity the gods themselves fight in vain. – Schiller
What religion is supposed to deliver man from, comes from the religion itself.
i.e. “Salvation” from God, it “saves” one from being exterminated by the same God.
"Propose to an Englishman any principle, or any instrument, however admirable, and you will observe that the whole effort of the English mind is directed to find a difficulty, a defect, or an impossibility in it. If you speak to him of a machine for peeling a potato, he will pronounce it impossible; if you peel a potato with it before his eyes, he will declare it useless, because it will not slice a pineapple." -- Charles Babbage, 1852.
I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way...so I stole a bike and prayed for his forgiveness.
Build a man a fire, keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life. – Someones tag line on a forum.
Plato: The price of apathy towards public affairs is to be ruled by evil men.
I leave all my estate to my wife on the express condition that she remarry. I want at least one person to sincerely grieve my death. Heinrich Heine
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn. - Unknown
After a year in therapy, my psychiatrist said to me, "Maybe life isn't for everyone." - Larry Brown
Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I never tried. - Mae West
When in doubt, duck. - Malcolm Forbes
You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain
Television is democracy at its ugliest. - Paddy Chayevsky
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. - Erma Bombeck
The best revenge is to live long enough to be a problem to your children. - Unknown
My parents put a live teddy bear in my crib. - Woody Allen
Sex is natural, but not if it's done right. - Unknown
It is more fun contemplating someone else's navel than your own. - Arthur Hoppe
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. - A.H. Weiler
Plato was a bore. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal. - Leo Tolstoy
What a beautiful fix we are in, now that peace has been declared. - Napolean Bonaparte
Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet. - Kin Hubbard
Show me a good loser and I'll show you a loser. - Unknown
My toughest fight was with my first wife. - Muhammad Ali
I'm immortal... so far. - Earle Robinson
It is in the ability to deceive oneself that the greatest talent is shown. - Anatole France
No individual raindrop ever considers itself responsible for the flood. - Anonymous
Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. - General George S. Patton
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. Every time she gets divorced, she keeps the house. - Henny Youngman
A string of reproaches against other people leads one to suspect the existence of a string of self-reproaches with the same content. - Sigmund Freud
A citizen can hardly distinguish between a tax and a fine, except that a fine is generally much lighter. - G.K. Chesterson
Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons, but one out of every one. - Dr. Karl Menninger
The function of genius is not to give new answers, but to pose new questions which time and mediocrity can resolve. - H.R. Trevor-Roper
There are more important things in life than a little money, and one of them is a lot of money. - Anonymous
There is no stronger craving in the world than that of the rich for titles, except that of the titled for riches. - Hesketh Pearson
The two most beautiful words in the English language are "Check Enclosed." - Dorothy Parker
I never write "metropolis" for seven cents because I can get the same price for "city." I never write "policeman" because I can get the same money for "cop." - Mark Twain
There is a great discovery still to be made in literature: That of paying literary men for the quantity they do not write. - Thomas Carlyle
Blessed are they who have nothing to say, and who cannot be persuaded to say it. - James Russell Lowell
He who would do some great things in this short life must apply himself to work with such a concentration of force such that, to idle spectators who live only to amuse themselves, it looks like insanity. - Francis Parkman
They copied all they could copy, But they couldn't copy my mind;
And I left them sweatin' and stealin', A year-and-a-half behind. - Rudyard Kipling
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race. - Fred Allen
You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves. - Michael Wilding
If 50 million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing. - Anatole France
If you took all the economists in the world and laid them end-to-end, it would be a pretty good idea. - Anonymous
The Great Big Black Things that have loomed against the horizon of my life, threatening to devour me, simply loomed and nothing more. The things that have really made me miss my train have always been sweet, soft, pretty, pleasant things of which I was not in the least afraid. - Elbert Hubbard
Amusement is the happiness of those who cannot think. - Alexander Pope
Words are loaded pistols. - Jean-Paul Sartre
The dinosaurs's eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an overabundance of bigness is not necessarily better. - Eric Johnston
The taxpayer: Someone who works for the government but doesn't have to take a civil service examination. - Ronald Reagan
An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. - Dylan Thomas
Women speak two languages, one of which is verbal. - Steve Rubenstein
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition. - Timothy Leary
Woman are like elephants to me. I like to look at them but I wouldn't like to own one. - W.C. Fields
You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning, you're on the job. - Lena Horne
Any new venture goes through the following stages: Enthusiasm, complication, disillusionment, search for the guilty, punishment of the innocent and decoration of those who did nothing. - Unknown
The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. - George Miller
Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal. - Albert Einstein
Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock. - Will Rogers
The difference between a mountain and a molehill is your perspective. - Al Neuharth
Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off. - Chi Chi Rodriguez
No man can think clearly when his fists are clenched. - George Hean Nathan
Here's to our wives and sweethearts -- may they never meet. - John Bunny
There are only two ways of telling the complete truth: Anonymously and posthumously. - Thomas Sowell
There is only one thing about which I am certain, and that is that there is very little about which one can be certain. - W. Somerset Maugham
I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours. - Jerome K. Jerome
I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. - Carrie Snow
I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. - Mark Twain
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. - Winston Churchill
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. - Mark Russell
I'm not an ambulance chaser. I'm usually there before the ambulance. - Melvin Belli
Injustice is relatively easy to bear; what stings is justice. - H. L. Mencken
Silence is argument carried on by other means. - Ernesto "Che" Guevara
As scarce as the truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand. - Josh Billings
It is impossible to feel the equal of someone who's been awake longer than you. - Mary Gordon ("Final Payments")
Some luck lies in not getting what you thought you wanted but getting what you have, which once you have it you may be smart enough to see is what you would have wanted had you known. - Garrison Keillor
Promise, large promise, is the soul of an advertisement. - Samuel Johnson
Properly speaking, there is no such thing as education. Education is simply the soul of a society as it passes from one generation to another. Whatever the soul is like, it will be passed on somehow, consciously or unconsciously, and that transition may be called education. - G. K. Chesterson
If you pick up a dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. - Mark Twain
You can't use tact with a Congressman. A congressman is a hog. You must take a stick and hit him on the snout. - Henry Adams
When you consider what a chance women have to poison their husbands, it's a wonder there isn't more of it done. - Kin Hubbard
The most important difference between business and academia is this: In business everything is dog eat dog. In academia it is just the reverse. - E. John Rosenwald, Jr.
Man is a thinking animal, a talking animal, a tool-making animal, a building animal, a political animal, a fantasizing animal. But, in the twilight of a civilization he is chiefly a taxpaying animal. - Hugh MacLennan
As a member of an escorted tour, you don't even have to know the Matterhorn isn't a tuba. - Temple Fielding
It is much easier to be critical than to be correct. - Benjamin Disraeli
In American, an hour is about 40 minutes. - German Saying
Owing money has never concerned me so long as I know where it could be repaid. - Colonel Henry Crown
Marriage is a book of which the first chapter is written in poetry and the remaining chapters are written in prose. - Beverley Nichols
Bachelors know more about women than married men. If they didn't, they be married too. - H. L. Mencken
There is not money in poetry, but then there is not poetry in money, either. - Robert Graves
Poets, we know, are very sensitive people, and in my observation, one of the things they are most sensitive about is cash. - Robert Penn Warren
You don't have to suffer to be a poet. Adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. - John Ciardi
People who read me seem to be divided into four groups: Twenty-five percent like me for the right reasons; 25% like me for the wrong reasons; 25% hate me for the wrong reasons; 25% hate me for the right reasons. It's that last 25% that worries me. - Robert Frost
Originality is the art of concealing your source. - Franklin P. Jones
The command, "Be fruitful and multiply," was promulgated, according to our authorities, when the population of the world consisted of two persons. - Dean William R. Inge
One function of diplomacy is to dress realism in morality. - Will and Ariel Durant
No man would listen to you if he didn't know it was his turn next. - Ed Howe
It is alright to hold a conversation but you should let go of it now and then. - Richard Armour
One man with courage makes it a majority. - Andrew Jackson
Man is a demolishing nature. We are killing things that keep us alive. - Thor Heyerdahl
To limit the press is to insult a nation; to prohibit reading of certain books is to declare the inhabitants to be either fools or slaves. - Claude Adrien Helvetius
The great dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. - Justice Louis D. Brandeis
He led his regiment from behind- /He found it less exciting. /But when away his regiment ran, /His place was in the fore, O. - W. S. Gilbert
Personally, I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. - Winston Churchill
A neighborhood is where, when you go out of it, you get beat up. - Murray Kempton
The only prize much cared for by the powerful is power. The prize of the general is not a bigger tent, but command. - Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr
A good catchword can obscure analysis for fifty years. - Wendell L. Willkie
There is no future in any job. The future lies in the man who holds the job. - Dr. George Crane
If people really liked to work, we'd still be plowing the land with sticks and transporting goods on our backs. - William Feather
By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work twelve hours a day. - Robert Frost
Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstances. - Bruce Barton
Memory is a crazy woman that hoards colored rags and throws away food. - Austin O'Malley
In my opinion, we are in danger of developing a cult of the Common Man, which means a cult of mediocrity. - Herbert Hoover
I reckon there's as much human nature in some folks as there is in others, if not more. - Edwards Noyes Wescott
It is the mark of the cultured man that he is aware of the fact that equality is an ethical and not a biological principle. - Ashley Montagu
There is only one thing that can keep growing without nourishment: The human ego. - Marshall Lumsden
Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice; it is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved. - William Jennings Bryan
When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, an Indian said simply, "Ours." - Vine Deloria, Jr.
If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau
Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. - Ambrose Bierce
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw
Natives who beat drums to drive off evil spirits are objects of scorn to smart Americans who blow horns to break up traffic jams. - Mary Ellen Kelly
The truth is more important than the facts. - Frank Lloyd Wright
Wagner's music is better than it sounds. - Mark Twain
The greater the number of laws and enactments, the more thieves and robbers there will be. - Lao-tzu (604-531 B.C.)
Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and following them, you reach your destiny. - Carl Schurz
Never face facts; if you do, you'll never get up in the morning. - Marlo Thomas
I don't care what you say, women make the best wives. - Dagwood Bumstead
Husbands are like fires; they go out when unattended. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
Genius is perseverence in disguise. - Mike Newlin
Love: Two minds without a single thought. - Philip Barry
Power doesn't corrupt people, people corrupt power. - William Gaddis
All animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. - Samuel Butler
A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings
The trouble with a kitten is that, eventually, it becomes a cat. - Ogden Nash
Human beings are the only animals of which I am thoroughly and cravenly afraid. - George Bernard Shaw
Laws are sand, customs are rock. Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped, but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment. - Mark Twain
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. - G.K. Chesterson
Woman's liberation is just a lot of foolishness. It's the men who are discriminated against. They can't bear children. And no one's likely to do anything about that. - Golda Meir
The man who regards his own life and that of his fellow creatures as meaningless is not merely unfortunate, but almost disqualified for life. - Albert Einstein
There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. - Oscar Wilde
Shortly after the birth of the artist came the inevitable afterbirth - the critic.
Question Authority and Authority will question YOU.
Hic et Ubique. Road to Corlay p 52
Youth and talent are no match for age and treachery!
It may be that your whole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
My other car's a piece of shit too.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
Few women admit their age, few men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Love: two vowels, two consonants, two fools.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
Some people are alive only because it is against the law to kill them.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal.
Warning: dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of "smart."
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
If I don't get laid soon, somebody's gonna get hurt.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
Very funny scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
We are microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
I like you but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.
"Auntie Em: hate you, hate kansas, taking the dog." -dorothy
Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.